Hi Ann-Marie! I'm in the Indian Epics class, but was browsing through blogs and loved the design of yours! The colors work just beautifully together, with the pale peach and pink with teal text as a highlight. I also like the gradient effect of the background as it goes down the page, it keeps the background interesting without taking too much away from the words.
It's safe to say that I am highly impressed with your idea for your storybook. I think it fits you and your writing style so nicely! As I was reading through our classes topics, yours immediately grabbed my attention. This might be because I love little kids myself, but I thought it would be a really cute theme for a storybook. After reading your introduction, I can safely say that I am ready for story time with Miss Stowe! I think the background that you chose was appropriate because it is school-themed. I think that the image that you chose also complimented it really well because I could see exactly what type of environment you were trying to embody! Your simple word choice is perfect for your audience of four and five-year-olds. You made it seem like I was in the classroom just by the dialogue and your use of second-person point of view. I cannot wait to see what else you are going to write. I love Aesop fables and I think they are perfect for children. Good job!
Hey Ann-Marie! I like the way you set the stage for the beginning of your storybook. There are a lot of cool things that you can do with the form of storytelling you chose. The font on your blog is a little small, which makes it difficult to read. I think it would add a lot to your story if added students dialogue and reactions. The sentence in the first paragraph that starts with, "It's a lot like the stories," shouldn't have a question mark at the end. Also the second sentence should be broken into two or three because it's a run-on sentence. You could change it to, "Put away your pencils and your assignments from math class. Sit down on the story time rug, so you can hear the stories for today. I have a new book for you guys that I think you'll really like!" I'm interested to see where your story goes. I think it could be very funny and educational to hear the students reactions at the end of each of your stories!
Wow Ann-Marie! This theme is so cute! First off, I absolutely adore children. Almost everyone in my family are teachers, so in my opinion, this idea is wonderful! In addition, your lesson topics are perfect! They are lessons that children these days could really use. I am really looking forward to reading your stories! Your introduction officially has me hooked! I did not see any major grammar mistakes or anything major that popped out at me. I think your writing style and word choice are perfect. Seeing that you are using a teachers standpoint, the simple language fits so well. I cannot wait to see what happens next with your “lessons” you write! I hope that you keep the word choice and writing style the same throughout your entire storybook. Keeping that simple language will make it seem much more genuine. I think sounding like a genuine teacher of young children will be creative and unique in comparison to other storybooks.
Storybook Comment The title of your storybook caught my attention. The lay out is easy to read. I had no troubles with reading the font. The way it looks like your story was written on a piece of paper as if it was really written in school is very creative. It is nice how the introduction is written as if you were speaking to the children. The introduction is clear as to what the storybook will be about. I can tell the mood is very light, as if I am sitting in your class room. The image that you chose helps set the scene. The size and placement of the image is good. It would look good more centered as well. I also don’t think your page needs anymore images because you have the one already plus the way it looks like it is written on a piece of paper. All in all good introduction!
Hi Ann-Marie I like how you started your Storybook as if you were actually telling it to small children. It helped create the scene in a way that I don’t think another writing style would have accomplished. It’s interesting how you were able to relate the tales to the kids. I really enjoyed how you ended the introduction with “once upon a time.” It helped me picture exactly what kind of stories we will be hearing about soon. As for the layout, it was clean and easy to follow, but I didn’t really feel that it went well with the kindergarten theme. When I think of kindergarten, I think of colorful and wild and messy. I liked the image on the home page though. I think having the photo of the principal’s office door really helps set things up for the reader. It put me in the mind frame and prepared me to read about some ornery children.
Wow!! I love your storybook. Just by clicking on the link and viewing your cover page I was immediately pulled into your theme! Your images contributed so much to this theme as well. Your introduction was excellent! I really felt like I was in my daughter's class listening to her teacher tell her stories. I feel like I could read this storybook to my daughter and I think I might do just that. I can't wait to see what stories you will be adding to your storybook. Another aspect of your story that I liked was the introduction of dialogue from the actual classroom. At first I didn’t quite understand that those were things that the children were saying but after reading the Introduction a second time I understood. I think it would be really cool if you did add the same dialogue to the rest of the stories. Your introduction ending left the reader in a really good cliffhanger so that they could "turn to the next page" and see what the next story would be. Once again great storybook! I will definitely be coming back to this one and checking it out.
Ann-Marie, I read your storybook to get a different take on the storybook projects, since I'm in the Indian Epics class. I really enjoyed your story about the stolen baseball, it was really well written and easy to read! Starting the story off with the moral in italics was a great idea, it kind of acted a bookend to the story. I also really like the layout of your storybook! All the storybooks I've read today are doing a great job making sure that the layout isn't too busy, and that the design doesn't get in the way of, but instead enhances the story. Your dialogue seemed very strong to me, and conveyed what was happening really well. Your introduction is also well written! I might suggest, for the sake of consistency, making it so the fonts across all the pages match. Your first story looks good, and if your introduction matched in style I think the whole thing would get pulled together. Really great job, Ann-Marie! I'll be back to see what you write next!
Okay so overall I like the storybook's feel and vibe I get from it. The one main suggestion for the introduction and story is to break up the reading.
What I mean, is that when I was reading and saw that a huge block of text was coming I thought, "Man there's alot of words." My professor said this about my writing a ton a few semesters ago. If you break it up, it just makes the story flow and move faster. So, the reader keeps moving and does not get tired. A good way to think of writing for this suggestion would be to look at screenplay. In movie scripts, there is a ton of white space both for the action paragraphs and dialogue. You could even google some examples! There may be some that are specific you'd like to look at? Sometimes they can be hard to find, but one should pop up on the first try. Other than that suggestion, I liked everything else.
I just read your story, The Missing Baseball. It was a good story! The message is very clear from the beginning. The first sentence peaks my interest because I want to know what is wrong with little Johnny. I noticed that sentences seem to run on but I can tell they're that way because that's typically how little kids talk. I like that you used the language of a child to bring this story together. The simple picture in the middle of the page is not distracting. It ties the image that the reader is thinking to what the writer was thinking. After reading the author's note, I can understand your reason for writing this story. Nice use of creativity. Going from a goat to a baseball was a great idea! My expectations of what I think your stories will be after reading your introduction have been met. I think you'll have no trouble keeping the theme the going well.
So I just had to come back and read your stories! I remembered being assigned to your storybook right after you had your introduction up, but I was so intrigued with your theme that I wanted to come back and see what was new! I absolutely loved your story about the missing baseball. It was very cute and very well written. I saw the connection to the original story as well. Sometimes it is hard for me to see where the author has connected the original story and the new one, but yours was very clear by connecting it with the moral. Your layout for your story is great. I like that you included the picture of baseball toward the top and then put the image information at the bottom. It made the picture less of a distraction and more like it was part of the story. I think what keeps me so interested in your storybook is how realistic it is! I love reading random stories from an author’s imagination, but it is stories like these that really hook me.
Honestly, the title of your storybook is what initially drew me in to reading your blog. I love little kids and I teach a lot of them that are around the age of kindergarten, so when I saw this title, I was instantly interested.
I read The Missing Baseball, first, and I like that the story began with a moral that gives me a sense of what the whole story will be about. The picture placement in this story was perfectly fitting. I liked how it was in the middle of the story rather than the picture being at the very end like most people (including myself) tend to do. This story made my laugh out loud because I can see my little kindergarteners and 1st graders in this exact same situation. This story flowed very well and I enjoyed the dialogue because I could really picture what was going on. I enjoy the fact that you took a fable that was very old and turned it into a relatble story that can happen, and does happen, in schools today.
I love the style of your storybook! It's always easier to read something when the layout looks good! Great writing style too. Everything flowed well and it was very easy to understand. I liked that you spaced out all of your paragraphs too. It made it a lot easier to read. The dialogue was clear too. It's always important to have a lot of clear dialogue in stories so the reader can connect with the characters. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your writing this semester!
Hi Ann-Marie! I am doing my extra project feedback, and I wanted to read your stories.
The design of your site is brilliant as it goes very nicely with your school related stories. The coverpage sets up your stories/site very well as it shows the consequence of doing shenanigans at school.
I really like the style/point of view from which you wrote the introduction. My little sister used to tell me that they would do similar things while she was in kindergarten. So good job on depicting a real life classroom environment. The image you used did a great job! I didn't find any error, so great job that too.
On to the story. The story is beautifully written. I really like Aesop's fables as they contain messages in the end, and yours did also. And I really like your message. You set your story up very nicely for that message. I didn't find any errors in the story either.
I really like your concept and the story. I will be back to read the others!
This is a really interesting way of retelling Aesop’s Fables! It is very creative and makes it very relatable for the reader. Your story made me feel like I really was back in kindergarten. The story was very simple but very real and is a common event in elementary school. As for the appearance of your Storybook you did a really nice job of maintaining the overall school theme. The font and the colors you chose helped make it an easy read. I usually have trouble reading other people’s assignments simply because of their font and/or color scheme. My only suggestion would be rewording the Introduction. It seemed a little repetitive to me. If it is reworded I feel like it would become an even better set up for your stories that will follow. Overall I think you have done a really nice job! I look forward to seeing your stories as the semester progresses.
It;s me again. I just wanted to see how your storybook was going because I loved reading the introduction a few weeks ago!
For your first story about the baseball, amazing job! I loved how you put the lesson that would be taught at the top of your story. I also like how you separated it and made it look important by putting it in italics. It gives the reader a little sneak peak about what they are going to learn. I love it!
Your dialogue is on point, like usual. I think you did a good job portraying Johnny's mumbling with the periods. Just make sure that it is still grammatically correct but I like the effect!
Hi Ann-Marie, I was excited to see what all that you have added since the last time I checked out your Storybook. I really like how you added the bit at the top that says, “Wicked deeds will not stay hid.” It was a nice and interesting way to preface the story. I really like the style you chose to write in. It really helped convey the fact that these are children and your writing stayed true to that. It made it fun to read and added a lot to the story. There were a few errors here and there. Mostly, it was just a few run-on sentences. I really liked the fact that you used a lot of dialogue. It broke up the chunks of text nicely and made the story flow well. A lot of stories drag on a bit, but you did a good job of avoiding that.
Well of course when given the chance, I will always come back and take a look at your storybook! I could tell you over and over every time how much I enjoy it, but I bet you get the point by now. I am always so excited to see what you have added each time I come back.
I loved your newest story “The Fate of the Pizza Party.” All of your dialogue made it very easy to read. It seemed to be pretty long, but with all the conversation and dialogue it felt shorter and easy to read.
I love that you are keeping the language simple. It makes the who storybook really connect.
I did not see any major grammar errors as I read through. Good luck with the rest of the semester and I will be back next week to read some more on your storybook!
Hi Ann-Marie! I wanted to read the other story that you added for the extra project feedback assignment. I really liked your introduction and your first story (liked I said before).
The font seem to be different for the introduction, your first and second story. Maybe changing them to a single one would make the storybook better.
This story seems better than the first one, mainly because it had different settings and great amount of details that you've added. I liked the details and the dialogues. The dialogues are so well written that it makes it seem like I am actually watching the story unfold. The details you added were amazing since they helped to describe the settings and the reactions of each characters. I didn't find any errors to report to you. So great job on that. I would say that maybe adding a picture of her running would provide a sense of her urgency.
I really liked this story. I will be back to read the other one when you add it! Great job!
Hi Ann-Marie. I really like the way you set up your storybook with the introduction. You were able to convey all the necessary information to the reader without breaking character. One thing you might add is the children’s names or description when they answer the teacher about the morals they learned last week. That way it will seem more like a part of the stories instead of a list. I really like the idea of using children to demonstrate Aesop’s morals. Storytelling is a perfect way to teach these lessons and children make the best audience. Making the characters into children also makes the lessons more relatable. In your first story I think you did a wonderful job of showing the characters emotions instead of telling. Body language and facial expressions can tell you so much more about what a person is feeling than simple words like sad, nervous, or guilty. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Ann-Marie! I just want to say that I really like your blog design. The spiral notebook background complements your story’s classroom setting very well. It was just enough detail to make it visually pleasing without distracting from the story. The images you picked work really well too. They are generic enough to allow the reader to form their own mental images while still providing context.
I read The Fate of the Pizza Party this week and I think it’s a great addition to your storybook. I like the way you moved the story out of the classroom and introduced new characters. I could really visualize little Hannah being distracted along the way. I did wonder how she saw a clock by the slide though. Maybe change it to a watch or a clock tower?
I think you did a good job of breaking up the text and your transitions were great. Overall you did a great job and I didn’t find any errors to comment on.
I decided to revisit you blog because it is always so fun and easy to read. I love how all the stories are just lining up for a cute storybook about elementary children. I mean, I think that's what Aesop intended these fables for anyways! I think it is really fun to see what creative spins you put on them because the fables usually lack dialogue and little detail.
First, I guess I have always spelled "lollipops" rather than "lollypops" but I guess both are fine! Anyways, I thought the lollipop fundraiser was a good idea because that actually happened every year in elementary school and I remember it meaning the world to all of the kids. I think your Author's note was very helpful too. I think this is a good lesson that can be applied to trivial and important things too.
Hi Ann-Marie! For this week, I read the story of "The Missing Baseball." First off, I would like to say that I just noticed that your blog layout has a paper fringe on the left side. I really like that because it brings me back to the days of elementary school where we would just rip out the notebook paper from our journals haha. I really like how well you integrated the dialogue into your story to show emotions like how Johnny would say mm and uhhh a lot, showing that he was nervous and fidgety. The story you wrote is quite different from the original story and I like how you managed to twist it into a classroom setting. One thing I would have liked to see was more on the "lesson" since it seems like it was just mentioned. Maybe you could have had Mrs. Brown say more to Johnny about how or why wicked deeds will never stay hidden.
First of all, I always love that when I am reading your stories, you always start off with the moral of the story that I am going to be reading. That gives me a sense of what I should expect and pulls me in to continue reading the story.
This was an adorable story and I could picture everything that was happening. I love your story book because it reminds me of being a kid again. I loved the dialogue between the teacher and Hannah and also Hannah and the principal! This was adorable and I think we all need a little reminder sometimes to stay focused on a task to get it done.
The story flows so well and it is easy to read which is a really good thing for people like me. I can get so distracted reading some stories but this kept my attention and read it all the way through. I can’t wait to read more of your creative stories involving kindergarteners!
Hey Ann-Marie! When I found out that we were getting to go look at storybooks we had read before I thought of this one. The little morals at the beginning of your stories are a great set up. I love knowing what I should be looking for while I'm reading. I also think your theme is great. By having the notebook paper background it really puts readers in the setting, but it's not so busy that it's distracting. You really had the character's personalities down pat. I think if you described how they look it would add even more depth to the people you've created. Your description of how Johnny was acting was spot on. If I had to make a suggestion I think that it would be breaking up the bulky paragraph while Johnny's internal dilemma. Good job, and I'll be checking in on your storybook for more stories!
This week we were assigned to go back to a few of the projects that we have already visited and re - visit them. I immediately remembered your project and I was so excited to go back to it. I love the Aseop's Fables and I love what you are doing with them. This week I read your story about Johnny and the baseball. This was such a great read. The way you describe each character's thoughts and actions make me feel like I am sitting in the classroom and just observing what is going on. You have nicely inserted breaks in your story where they naturally fall so that we are not overwhelmed by the writing. The dialogue is always my favorite part of your project. The language that you use is very natural and simple, just like a toddler/ kindergarten age student. Even though I have already re-visited this project I will definitely still come back before the semester ends! Great job on this.
Hi again Ann-Marie! One thing that I notice is the way that you spelled “lollypop.” From what I understand (thank goodness for Google!) is that this is a correct spelling, but it is also the less popular spelling. The usual spelling is “lollipop.” It is definitely not a big deal, but it stuck out to me. I liked that you included the fundraiser in your story. This is something that I did when I was in school, so it made the story feel a little more authentic to me. I think it was such a fun idea to put all the stakes on a little girl. It made it seem more intense than if an adult had taken the sheet to the principal’s office. The only thing that I really wanted to know was whether or not the class got the pizza party or if Hannah’s struggle to focus was in vain.
Hello Ann-Marie! I like how you made Aesop's fables for children, since the tales are used to give children life lessons currently. The layout that you chose for your storybook compliments the tales nicely!
A couple of quick comments, though. One, I would recommend making your photos bigger and centered in all of your stories. You chose good photos to help the reader make a better mental image, but the pictures are so tiny, almost like thumbnails.
Also, in your navigation section sidebar, the Introduction comes before the main page of Kindergarten Shenanigans. I am not sure if that was intentional?
Anyways, I think you did a good job with your storybook being a continuous retelling of Aesop's fables! Keep it up!
I really like the way your storybook is setup with the paper as the background it really goes along with the kindergarten theme. All the bright colors of red, blue, and yellow also remind me of kindergarten because they are such basic colors. Good job on that! The introduction was a good way to start the storybook off as if you are talking directly to the students. What I would give to be a kindergartener again! The story "The Missing Baseball" was a great story to start off with because it is a great lesson that every child should learn! I am sure in each story you are going to have some kind of lesson to inform the students. I also liked the short sentences at the top of the stories it is kind of like what some of the authors do before they go on to write their stories. Good addition!
I am back once again because I really do love your project! This week I read your story "The fate of the pizza party". What a great story! The way you tell these stories, the dialogue, the narration is so great! I immediately visualize a classroom and a school hallway. Children get so easily distracted and I think it is great that you used that as the challenge that might interrupt getting to the purpose. You also do a very good job of making these stories very realistic as pizza parties and competitions are something that are always done in elementary schools. Your story was in great shape! Your author's note was also great in explaining exactly what you did with the story and what you wanted to add/change. "Do not let anything turn you from your purpose" was definitely the theme seen throughout this whole story. Once again, great job on such a fun story!
I am back for one last time! I just love your storybook. It is so great! This week I read "The lunch box and Math test". At first this story made me a lot of sympathy because I instantly thought about students and children that have really great lunches sometimes because their parents just got paid and a few days later they do not really great food or food at all. Finances can be really tough sometimes and it sucks to be so small and see others around you that have a lot. Great job on shining some light on an important issue. I think it was so cute how Billy and Jack were able to help each other out and I think that the point in your fable was really clear. Once again your Author's note was excellent and really let me know what was going on. Great job on this storybook is was one of my favorites of the class!
Hi Ann-Marie! I'm in the Indian Epics class, but was browsing through blogs and loved the design of yours! The colors work just beautifully together, with the pale peach and pink with teal text as a highlight. I also like the gradient effect of the background as it goes down the page, it keeps the background interesting without taking too much away from the words.
ReplyDeleteHello again Anne-Marie!
ReplyDeleteIt's safe to say that I am highly impressed with your idea for your storybook. I think it fits you and your writing style so nicely! As I was reading through our classes topics, yours immediately grabbed my attention. This might be because I love little kids myself, but I thought it would be a really cute theme for a storybook. After reading your introduction, I can safely say that I am ready for story time with Miss Stowe! I think the background that you chose was appropriate because it is school-themed. I think that the image that you chose also complimented it really well because I could see exactly what type of environment you were trying to embody! Your simple word choice is perfect for your audience of four and five-year-olds. You made it seem like I was in the classroom just by the dialogue and your use of second-person point of view. I cannot wait to see what else you are going to write. I love Aesop fables and I think they are perfect for children. Good job!
Hey Ann-Marie! I like the way you set the stage for the beginning of your storybook. There are a lot of cool things that you can do with the form of storytelling you chose. The font on your blog is a little small, which makes it difficult to read. I think it would add a lot to your story if added students dialogue and reactions. The sentence in the first paragraph that starts with, "It's a lot like the stories," shouldn't have a question mark at the end. Also the second sentence should be broken into two or three because it's a run-on sentence. You could change it to, "Put away your pencils and your assignments from math class. Sit down on the story time rug, so you can hear the stories for today. I have a new book for you guys that I think you'll really like!" I'm interested to see where your story goes. I think it could be very funny and educational to hear the students reactions at the end of each of your stories!
ReplyDeleteWow Ann-Marie! This theme is so cute! First off, I absolutely adore children. Almost everyone in my family are teachers, so in my opinion, this idea is wonderful! In addition, your lesson topics are perfect! They are lessons that children these days could really use. I am really looking forward to reading your stories! Your introduction officially has me hooked! I did not see any major grammar mistakes or anything major that popped out at me. I think your writing style and word choice are perfect. Seeing that you are using a teachers standpoint, the simple language fits so well. I cannot wait to see what happens next with your “lessons” you write! I hope that you keep the word choice and writing style the same throughout your entire storybook. Keeping that simple language will make it seem much more genuine. I think sounding like a genuine teacher of young children will be creative and unique in comparison to other storybooks.
ReplyDeleteStorybook Comment
ReplyDeleteThe title of your storybook caught my attention. The lay out is easy to read. I had no troubles with reading the font. The way it looks like your story was written on a piece of paper as if it was really written in school is very creative. It is nice how the introduction is written as if you were speaking to the children. The introduction is clear as to what the storybook will be about. I can tell the mood is very light, as if I am sitting in your class room. The image that you chose helps set the scene. The size and placement of the image is good. It would look good more centered as well. I also don’t think your page needs anymore images because you have the one already plus the way it looks like it is written on a piece of paper. All in all good introduction!
Hi Ann-Marie
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your Storybook as if you were actually telling it to small children. It helped create the scene in a way that I don’t think another writing style would have accomplished. It’s interesting how you were able to relate the tales to the kids. I really enjoyed how you ended the introduction with “once upon a time.” It helped me picture exactly what kind of stories we will be hearing about soon. As for the layout, it was clean and easy to follow, but I didn’t really feel that it went well with the kindergarten theme. When I think of kindergarten, I think of colorful and wild and messy. I liked the image on the home page though. I think having the photo of the principal’s office door really helps set things up for the reader. It put me in the mind frame and prepared me to read about some ornery children.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnn-Marie,
ReplyDeleteWow!! I love your storybook. Just by clicking on the link and viewing your cover page I was immediately pulled into your theme! Your images contributed so much to this theme as well. Your introduction was excellent! I really felt like I was in my daughter's class listening to her teacher tell her stories. I feel like I could read this storybook to my daughter and I think I might do just that. I can't wait to see what stories you will be adding to your storybook. Another aspect of your story that I liked was the introduction of dialogue from the actual classroom. At first I didn’t quite understand that those were things that the children were saying but after reading the Introduction a second time I understood. I think it would be really cool if you did add the same dialogue to the rest of the stories. Your introduction ending left the reader in a really good cliffhanger so that they could "turn to the next page" and see what the next story would be. Once again great storybook! I will definitely be coming back to this one and checking it out.
Ann-Marie, I read your storybook to get a different take on the storybook projects, since I'm in the Indian Epics class. I really enjoyed your story about the stolen baseball, it was really well written and easy to read! Starting the story off with the moral in italics was a great idea, it kind of acted a bookend to the story. I also really like the layout of your storybook! All the storybooks I've read today are doing a great job making sure that the layout isn't too busy, and that the design doesn't get in the way of, but instead enhances the story. Your dialogue seemed very strong to me, and conveyed what was happening really well. Your introduction is also well written! I might suggest, for the sake of consistency, making it so the fonts across all the pages match. Your first story looks good, and if your introduction matched in style I think the whole thing would get pulled together. Really great job, Ann-Marie! I'll be back to see what you write next!
ReplyDeleteOkay so overall I like the storybook's feel and vibe I get from it. The one main suggestion for the introduction and story is to break up the reading.
ReplyDeleteWhat I mean, is that when I was reading and saw that a huge block of text was coming I thought, "Man there's alot of words." My professor said this about my writing a ton a few semesters ago. If you break it up, it just makes the story flow and move faster. So, the reader keeps moving and does not get tired. A good way to think of writing for this suggestion would be to look at screenplay. In movie scripts, there is a ton of white space both for the action paragraphs and dialogue. You could even google some examples! There may be some that are specific you'd like to look at? Sometimes they can be hard to find, but one should pop up on the first try. Other than that suggestion, I liked everything else.
I just read your story, The Missing Baseball. It was a good story! The message is very clear from the beginning. The first sentence peaks my interest because I want to know what is wrong with little Johnny. I noticed that sentences seem to run on but I can tell they're that way because that's typically how little kids talk. I like that you used the language of a child to bring this story together. The simple picture in the middle of the page is not distracting. It ties the image that the reader is thinking to what the writer was thinking. After reading the author's note, I can understand your reason for writing this story. Nice use of creativity. Going from a goat to a baseball was a great idea! My expectations of what I think your stories will be after reading your introduction have been met. I think you'll have no trouble keeping the theme the going well.
ReplyDeleteSo I just had to come back and read your stories! I remembered being assigned to your storybook right after you had your introduction up, but I was so intrigued with your theme that I wanted to come back and see what was new!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your story about the missing baseball. It was very cute and very well written. I saw the connection to the original story as well. Sometimes it is hard for me to see where the author has connected the original story and the new one, but yours was very clear by connecting it with the moral.
Your layout for your story is great. I like that you included the picture of baseball toward the top and then put the image information at the bottom. It made the picture less of a distraction and more like it was part of the story.
I think what keeps me so interested in your storybook is how realistic it is! I love reading random stories from an author’s imagination, but it is stories like these that really hook me.
Hey Ann-Marie,
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the title of your storybook is what initially drew me in to reading your blog. I love little kids and I teach a lot of them that are around the age of kindergarten, so when I saw this title, I was instantly interested.
I read The Missing Baseball, first, and I like that the story began with a moral that gives me a sense of what the whole story will be about. The picture placement in this story was perfectly fitting. I liked how it was in the middle of the story rather than the picture being at the very end like most people (including myself) tend to do. This story made my laugh out loud because I can see my little kindergarteners and 1st graders in this exact same situation. This story flowed very well and I enjoyed the dialogue because I could really picture what was going on. I enjoy the fact that you took a fable that was very old and turned it into a relatble story that can happen, and does happen, in schools today.
Hello Anne-Marie,
ReplyDeleteI love the style of your storybook! It's always easier to read something when the layout looks good! Great writing style too. Everything flowed well and it was very easy to understand. I liked that you spaced out all of your paragraphs too. It made it a lot easier to read. The dialogue was clear too. It's always important to have a lot of clear dialogue in stories so the reader can connect with the characters. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your writing this semester!
Hi Ann-Marie! I am doing my extra project feedback, and I wanted to read your stories.
ReplyDeleteThe design of your site is brilliant as it goes very nicely with your school related stories. The coverpage sets up your stories/site very well as it shows the consequence of doing shenanigans at school.
I really like the style/point of view from which you wrote the introduction. My little sister used to tell me that they would do similar things while she was in kindergarten. So good job on depicting a real life classroom environment. The image you used did a great job! I didn't find any error, so great job that too.
On to the story. The story is beautifully written. I really like Aesop's fables as they contain messages in the end, and yours did also. And I really like your message. You set your story up very nicely for that message. I didn't find any errors in the story either.
I really like your concept and the story. I will be back to read the others!
This is a really interesting way of retelling Aesop’s Fables! It is very creative and makes it very relatable for the reader. Your story made me feel like I really was back in kindergarten. The story was very simple but very real and is a common event in elementary school.
ReplyDeleteAs for the appearance of your Storybook you did a really nice job of maintaining the overall school theme. The font and the colors you chose helped make it an easy read. I usually have trouble reading other people’s assignments simply because of their font and/or color scheme.
My only suggestion would be rewording the Introduction. It seemed a little repetitive to me. If it is reworded I feel like it would become an even better set up for your stories that will follow. Overall I think you have done a really nice job! I look forward to seeing your stories as the semester progresses.
Hi Anne-Marie!
ReplyDeleteIt;s me again. I just wanted to see how your storybook was going because I loved reading the introduction a few weeks ago!
For your first story about the baseball, amazing job! I loved how you put the lesson that would be taught at the top of your story. I also like how you separated it and made it look important by putting it in italics. It gives the reader a little sneak peak about what they are going to learn. I love it!
Your dialogue is on point, like usual. I think you did a good job portraying Johnny's mumbling with the periods. Just make sure that it is still grammatically correct but I like the effect!
Hi Ann-Marie,
ReplyDeleteI was excited to see what all that you have added since the last time I checked out your Storybook. I really like how you added the bit at the top that says, “Wicked deeds will not stay hid.” It was a nice and interesting way to preface the story. I really like the style you chose to write in. It really helped convey the fact that these are children and your writing stayed true to that. It made it fun to read and added a lot to the story. There were a few errors here and there. Mostly, it was just a few run-on sentences. I really liked the fact that you used a lot of dialogue. It broke up the chunks of text nicely and made the story flow well. A lot of stories drag on a bit, but you did a good job of avoiding that.
Hey Ann-Marie!
ReplyDeleteWell of course when given the chance, I will always come back and take a look at your storybook! I could tell you over and over every time how much I enjoy it, but I bet you get the point by now. I am always so excited to see what you have added each time I come back.
I loved your newest story “The Fate of the Pizza Party.” All of your dialogue made it very easy to read. It seemed to be pretty long, but with all the conversation and dialogue it felt shorter and easy to read.
I love that you are keeping the language simple. It makes the who storybook really connect.
I did not see any major grammar errors as I read through. Good luck with the rest of the semester and I will be back next week to read some more on your storybook!
Hi Ann-Marie! I wanted to read the other story that you added for the extra project feedback assignment. I really liked your introduction and your first story (liked I said before).
ReplyDeleteThe font seem to be different for the introduction, your first and second story. Maybe changing them to a single one would make the storybook better.
This story seems better than the first one, mainly because it had different settings and great amount of details that you've added. I liked the details and the dialogues. The dialogues are so well written that it makes it seem like I am actually watching the story unfold. The details you added were amazing since they helped to describe the settings and the reactions of each characters. I didn't find any errors to report to you. So great job on that. I would say that maybe adding a picture of her running would provide a sense of her urgency.
I really liked this story. I will be back to read the other one when you add it! Great job!
Hi Ann-Marie. I really like the way you set up your storybook with the introduction. You were able to convey all the necessary information to the reader without breaking character. One thing you might add is the children’s names or description when they answer the teacher about the morals they learned last week. That way it will seem more like a part of the stories instead of a list.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of using children to demonstrate Aesop’s morals. Storytelling is a perfect way to teach these lessons and children make the best audience. Making the characters into children also makes the lessons more relatable.
In your first story I think you did a wonderful job of showing the characters emotions instead of telling. Body language and facial expressions can tell you so much more about what a person is feeling than simple words like sad, nervous, or guilty.
Great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Ann-Marie! I just want to say that I really like your blog design. The spiral notebook background complements your story’s classroom setting very well. It was just enough detail to make it visually pleasing without distracting from the story. The images you picked work really well too. They are generic enough to allow the reader to form their own mental images while still providing context.
ReplyDeleteI read The Fate of the Pizza Party this week and I think it’s a great addition to your storybook. I like the way you moved the story out of the classroom and introduced new characters. I could really visualize little Hannah being distracted along the way. I did wonder how she saw a clock by the slide though. Maybe change it to a watch or a clock tower?
I think you did a good job of breaking up the text and your transitions were great. Overall you did a great job and I didn’t find any errors to comment on.
Hello Ann-Marie!
ReplyDeleteI decided to revisit you blog because it is always so fun and easy to read. I love how all the stories are just lining up for a cute storybook about elementary children. I mean, I think that's what Aesop intended these fables for anyways! I think it is really fun to see what creative spins you put on them because the fables usually lack dialogue and little detail.
First, I guess I have always spelled "lollipops" rather than "lollypops" but I guess both are fine! Anyways, I thought the lollipop fundraiser was a good idea because that actually happened every year in elementary school and I remember it meaning the world to all of the kids. I think your Author's note was very helpful too. I think this is a good lesson that can be applied to trivial and important things too.
Hi Ann-Marie! For this week, I read the story of "The Missing Baseball." First off, I would like to say that I just noticed that your blog layout has a paper fringe on the left side. I really like that because it brings me back to the days of elementary school where we would just rip out the notebook paper from our journals haha. I really like how well you integrated the dialogue into your story to show emotions like how Johnny would say mm and uhhh a lot, showing that he was nervous and fidgety. The story you wrote is quite different from the original story and I like how you managed to twist it into a classroom setting. One thing I would have liked to see was more on the "lesson" since it seems like it was just mentioned. Maybe you could have had Mrs. Brown say more to Johnny about how or why wicked deeds will never stay hidden.
ReplyDeleteHey!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I always love that when I am reading your stories, you always start off with the moral of the story that I am going to be reading. That gives me a sense of what I should expect and pulls me in to continue reading the story.
This was an adorable story and I could picture everything that was happening. I love your story book because it reminds me of being a kid again. I loved the dialogue between the teacher and Hannah and also Hannah and the principal! This was adorable and I think we all need a little reminder sometimes to stay focused on a task to get it done.
The story flows so well and it is easy to read which is a really good thing for people like me. I can get so distracted reading some stories but this kept my attention and read it all the way through. I can’t wait to read more of your creative stories involving kindergarteners!
Hey Ann-Marie! When I found out that we were getting to go look at storybooks we had read before I thought of this one. The little morals at the beginning of your stories are a great set up. I love knowing what I should be looking for while I'm reading. I also think your theme is great. By having the notebook paper background it really puts readers in the setting, but it's not so busy that it's distracting. You really had the character's personalities down pat. I think if you described how they look it would add even more depth to the people you've created. Your description of how Johnny was acting was spot on. If I had to make a suggestion I think that it would be breaking up the bulky paragraph while Johnny's internal dilemma. Good job, and I'll be checking in on your storybook for more stories!
ReplyDeleteAnn-Marie,
ReplyDeleteThis week we were assigned to go back to a few of the projects that we have already visited and re - visit them. I immediately remembered your project and I was so excited to go back to it. I love the Aseop's Fables and I love what you are doing with them. This week I read your story about Johnny and the baseball. This was such a great read. The way you describe each character's thoughts and actions make me feel like I am sitting in the classroom and just observing what is going on. You have nicely inserted breaks in your story where they naturally fall so that we are not overwhelmed by the writing. The dialogue is always my favorite part of your project. The language that you use is very natural and simple, just like a toddler/ kindergarten age student. Even though I have already re-visited this project I will definitely still come back before the semester ends! Great job on this.
Hi again Ann-Marie!
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I notice is the way that you spelled “lollypop.” From what I understand (thank goodness for Google!) is that this is a correct spelling, but it is also the less popular spelling. The usual spelling is “lollipop.” It is definitely not a big deal, but it stuck out to me. I liked that you included the fundraiser in your story. This is something that I did when I was in school, so it made the story feel a little more authentic to me. I think it was such a fun idea to put all the stakes on a little girl. It made it seem more intense than if an adult had taken the sheet to the principal’s office. The only thing that I really wanted to know was whether or not the class got the pizza party or if Hannah’s struggle to focus was in vain.
Hello Ann-Marie! I like how you made Aesop's fables for children, since the tales are used to give children life lessons currently. The layout that you chose for your storybook compliments the tales nicely!
ReplyDeleteA couple of quick comments, though. One, I would recommend making your photos bigger and centered in all of your stories. You chose good photos to help the reader make a better mental image, but the pictures are so tiny, almost like thumbnails.
Also, in your navigation section sidebar, the Introduction comes before the main page of Kindergarten Shenanigans. I am not sure if that was intentional?
Anyways, I think you did a good job with your storybook being a continuous retelling of Aesop's fables! Keep it up!
I really like the way your storybook is setup with the paper as the background it really goes along with the kindergarten theme. All the bright colors of red, blue, and yellow also remind me of kindergarten because they are such basic colors. Good job on that! The introduction was a good way to start the storybook off as if you are talking directly to the students. What I would give to be a kindergartener again! The story "The Missing Baseball" was a great story to start off with because it is a great lesson that every child should learn! I am sure in each story you are going to have some kind of lesson to inform the students. I also liked the short sentences at the top of the stories it is kind of like what some of the authors do before they go on to write their stories. Good addition!
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI am back once again because I really do love your project! This week I read your story "The fate of the pizza party". What a great story! The way you tell these stories, the dialogue, the narration is so great! I immediately visualize a classroom and a school hallway. Children get so easily distracted and I think it is great that you used that as the challenge that might interrupt getting to the purpose. You also do a very good job of making these stories very realistic as pizza parties and competitions are something that are always done in elementary schools. Your story was in great shape!
Your author's note was also great in explaining exactly what you did with the story and what you wanted to add/change. "Do not let anything turn you from your purpose" was definitely the theme seen throughout this whole story. Once again, great job on such a fun story!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI am back for one last time! I just love your storybook. It is so great! This week I read "The lunch box and Math test". At first this story made me a lot of sympathy because I instantly thought about students and children that have really great lunches sometimes because their parents just got paid and a few days later they do not really great food or food at all. Finances can be really tough sometimes and it sucks to be so small and see others around you that have a lot. Great job on shining some light on an important issue. I think it was so cute how Billy and Jack were able to help each other out and I think that the point in your fable was really clear. Once again your Author's note was excellent and really let me know what was going on. Great job on this storybook is was one of my favorites of the class!